


I've Never Been This High In My Life

by nuftda



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Doctor/Patient, M/M, Object Insertion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuftda/pseuds/nuftda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray gets high and gets his bong stuck up his arse, in his defense, it was /really/ good weed</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Never Been This High In My Life

Ray had smoked some good weed. Some _really_ good weed. And when someone smokes weed like that strange things tend to happen, which is why Ray was decidedly not sitting in the ER waiting area, both wishing and dreading his name being called.

He’d already given his name and details to the guy at the reception desk, and was still reeling from that clusterfuck of an experience. He’d tried to distance himself from the encounter, since telling someone he got high and shoved a bong up his ass was not on his list of enjoyable activities for the day. Well, it had been enjoyable until he’d not been able to get it out.

The minutes ticked by as Ray tried to keep as still as possible. Any shifting around on his part gave him uncomfortable, but not unpleasant sensations. He sighed audibly, this had to happen to him of all people. At least it wasn’t his Xbox controller, which was in his other hand, which would’ve been a very fucking tight fit. Things could always be worse, he reasoned.

“Mr Narvaez?”

Crunch time.

Ray followed the nurse into a doctor’s office, not quite sure what to do with himself. The doctor offered him a seat but he declined, sitting down was very low on the list of things he’d want to be doing right now. Though perhaps the lowest thing on that list would be to have a bong lodged in his arse, which was the current predicament he found himself in.

“I’m Dr Haywood, now would you care to tell me what the problem is Mr Narvaez?”

Ray looked down and mumbled “I’ve already told the guy out there, don’t make me repeat it to you too.”

Dr Haywood raised his eyes, and looked over the information he’d been given. His eyebrows raised further as he looked Ray up and down. Ray was wrong, Ray was very, very wrong. Things could be worse, and they were. They were worse because his doctor was super fucking hot and the semi he had thanks to the bong pressing against his prostate meant that things very much were worse.

His doctor let out a small chuckle. “I’m not going to ask how it got in there, though the answer to that is not a complete mystery. Lie on your front on that table and we’ll see if we can get it out. Oh and pants off Mr Narvaez.”

Ray resisted the urge to groan. This was at least one of his top five most embarrassing experiences of all time. Hell, even top three, bested only by the incident at Gamestop which is best left well alone. Ray lay on the table/bed thing that seemed to be a universal consistent in all doctors rooms, his arse to the ceiling and his head buried as deep in the proverbial sand as he could manage.

Ray tensed as Dr Hottie (hey, it had more of a ring to it than Haywood) neared him.

“Tensing won’t do you any good Mr Narvaez, especially if you want that thing out of there any time soon.”

Ray schooled his body into relaxing, and it obeyed him. “Just call me Ray, this situation is already weirdly personal as it is, don’t see any shame to be on a first name basis.”

Dr Hottie chuckled again “Very well then Ray, you may call me Ryan.”

Ray nodded and grit his teeth as he felt the Doctor’s, Ryan’s hands on his ass hole, getting a feel for it and where the bong was lodged exactly. This did not do much to help Ray’s semi-situation from earlier. All the jostling about from Ryan’s hands meant the bong’s existence in his ass was even more prominent than before.

“Look doc, could you just yank it out please? This has been real fun but I just want it out.”

“Now now Ray, I thought I told you to call me Ryan.” The doctor reprimanded. Ray heard a cap pop and then cool fluid spread by gloved hands over his ass.

“What the fuck are you doing dude?” Ray was not happy with the night’s turn of events, not happy at all. He could be at home playing Halo but oh no he was stuck here in a doctor’s office with a bong up his ass and a doctor that was too hot for his own good.

“It’s not gonna come out without help, Ray. It needs the proper lubrication.” Well now it made sense Ray thought. His thinking capacity still wasn’t 100% if he was honest with himself.

“It’s alright to be apprehensive.” Ryan continued, trying to soothe Ray. “We’ve had people in here in much stranger and more embarrassing predicaments than you, you know.”

Ray just grit his teeth and nodded, he didn’t trust himself to speak right now. Not when the Doctor’s hands were working the lube into his ass that came with the practiced efficiency of someone who’d done it before. Whether he’d done it professionally or as a recreational activity Ray had yet to work out. He realised he really shouldn’t be speculating the sexuality of his super-hot doctor while that doctor had his fingers in his ass wedged up next to a bong which probably still had weed in it. He really hoped he wouldn’t get in trouble for that, the hospital bill alone was gonna be a stretch on his financing.

Under Ryan’s ministrations the bong began to shift, and Ray groaned involuntarily. He flushed bright red, this incident was steadily encroaching on the Gamestop one, and if things continued would probably overtake it as Ray’s Most Embarrassing Moment. Yippee and congrats to ass-bong the winner of a one way ticket to You’re Never Ever Forgetting This Land.

The bong moved again, as Ryan began to slowly pull it out of his ass, and Ray let out another moan. Ryan said nothing, and Ray wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that or not. Ray closed his eyes as Ryan gave one last gentle tug and the bong slid out, brushing against Ray’s prostate as it did. Ray saw stars, and when he opened his eyes again he was prepared for the world to swallow him whole because he had just came from having a bong removed from his rectal cavity that it had made its home for a few short hours.

Ray started to babble “Oh my god dude I’m so sorry I’ll clean it up I just, oh fuck.” Ray would rather be back in Gamestop right now, anywhere but here in fact. Ryan just smiled at him though, and Ray was thoroughly confused.

“I don’t mind, everything in here is sterilized after each patient anyway. I’m glad I could help.”  Ray was still confused as all hell, and his embarrassment showed no sign of dissipating either. Ryan continued “If you ever need anything removing, or inserting up there ever again, call me” He handed Ray a piece of paper which Ray assumed contained his phone number. Ray nodded mutely and left the doctor’s office, after what was definitely the most bizarre interaction he had ever had in his life.


End file.
